Hello again. Sorry for being away so long. I have determined that I will blog when something scratches at the inside of my head, and demands to be let out. This is one of those times.
Here is the “story” that is in my head today. I have seen this repeated again and again (in many ways) in life. I will make no apologies for the story, but assure you, there is a lesson in it for us all.
There was a woman who was in love with a man. She believed that love would conquer all, and that he meant everything he said. She built her hopes and dreams on the foundation they had discussed, and he too, believed he meant every word he said. Plans were made, and choices too: they celebrated the ringing in of the New Year, and threw caution to the wind, because after all, they were going to be together forever.
(there are many possibilities for exactly which “caution was thrown to the wind”: After all, we are given opportunities to abandon ourselves in relationship again and again)
However, in this story, nine months later a new life is born. Many months prior however, he determined he didn’t mean what he said. She may have wanted to change her mind too, but she couldn’t. She was now the vessel, and she would proceed (nope, this is not a pro-life conversation either, keep going). The foundation they had built together now had to be built by one woman, day-by-day, brick-by-brick, for the sake of another.
Sometimes she threw her fists to the sky wondering why he left, or why she wasn’t good enough (all gremlin dialogue). Then she strengthened her arms throwing daggers at the next woman who held his hand, because SHE wrecked the plans, HE wrecked the plans, THEY wrecked the plans. No matter—-the plans were wrecked, and would not come back together, so this woman was faced with a choice.
(and we are all faced with choices exactly like this)
Does she decide to make herself a victim of the choice and the broken plan? Does she allow the anger and the betrayal to eat at her, and poke her awake each night? Does she look at her child and see “something in her way”? She could. We could.
(we could all choose to let the darkness in, and be a victim of any circumstance)
Or, does she decide to begrudgingly grow? Does she insist on finding a way through her heart’s betrayal for the sake of finding her own peace? Does she wish she didn’t “have to”, but keep doing it anyway? What does she decide? What do we decide?
(do we grow and adapt, or do we stay angry, sad and stuck?)
She keeps going. She learns to ask for help. She cultivates her inner resources. She faces very dark times, and she continues on. Some days, she can still feel the resentment building, but it comes from a heart that is SAD for opportunities being missed, rather than one that is MAD about her own betrayal. She is growing.
She focuses on the goal of being HER best, whatever that means, and being that person she wishes he had been, rather than perpetuating the pattern, by chronically disappointing and abandoning herself and others. She focuses on that goal. She takes steps toward it every day.
(that’s how we change. Stay aware. Picture what we want. Take consistent, small steps in that direction–even if those steps are terrifying)
Today, this woman is a different woman. She still has tough days, but she is grateful more often, and believes in her inner abilities. Sure, maybe she still wishes that her life didn’t take this path, but she trusts herself to create a new one.
(do you trust yourself to take steps to create a new path, regardless of YOUR “story”)