Here we are. It’s mid January. We are smack-dab in the middle of resolution follow-through and continuing to navigate through the crispness of winter (for those of us who live in the great, white north).
Random Confession #1: I have had a hard time getting out of my PJs since I spent two weeks on holidays celebrating, having friends visit, building lego, tobogganing, organizing, watching movies, playing crokinole, and generally RELAXING. So what am I having a hard time letting go of, and what does this tell me?
I think the resistance I am experiencing is telling me that I was not making self-care a priority. I was seeing it as a luxury to be squeezed in the cracks, rather than a job that is as important as any other. So the boomerang of that is, my psyche is resisting anything but comfort clothing, and it poo-poos rejoining the flow of life.
If my resistance were a child in time out, it would sound something like this:
“why are you sitting on the stairs?”
“Because I am in time out””
“Why are you in time out?”
“because I’m not listening”
“what are you supposed to be doing?”
“getting dressed”
“what are you doing instead?”
“resisting and holding onto something that represents what I miss”
“What do you miss”
“I really liked having lots of free time to putz around, play, cook, nap, talk, hang with my family, and do only one thing at a time. I miss that, and I am afraid I will forget to do that if I put my clothes on.”
Thank you resistance for showing me where I need to put my attention and commitment.
So today I am sneakily attired in yoga pants and a hoodie (my version of socially acceptable, public pjs), and I realize I can reassure the little kid on the stairs that I am paying attention to what I need to keep my energy high, and in balance. I know this because right now I am sitting in my easy chair, blogging for you fine folks, while someone else is cleaning my home (Random Confession #2). I feel like I hit the jackpot!
I hear the gremlins snarling at me as I write this, because it is debunking the Superwoman myth. Well screw it! I love the angel that comes to my house twice a month and chases dust and cleans all the surfaces. I couldn’t always allow this sort of help in my home. I dreamed about it, wondered how other people make it happen, judged it, then tried to do it all, and exhausted myself. Then guess what happened? I decided I couldn’t/wouldn’t do it all (because I was exhausted), so it went undone. Hmmm…not a great long-term solution. So now I focus on the things I am good at, and put my energy in those places, and ask for help for the other things. This isn’t weakness–it is self acceptance and balance.
When the battery dies in the remote control, we change it–no problem right? When the battery dies in us, that is a critical problem. Creating and maintaining balance in life is an active, ongoing process. The magic formula is dynamic and ever-changing. You cannot hold a scale perfectly level indefinitely, but you can change the items on the scale as the table tilts, the wind blows and the dust accumulates, to restore balance in you and your world. Sometimes that balance-seeking requires a complete removal of the weights and a conscious repositioning of the elements in your life. Self care is one of those every essential elements.
Where are you in resistance?
What does the resistance show you?
How much battery power do you have left?
Where do you judge or shame yourself about that?
What do you need to recharge, or reposition on your scale?
What will you DO about it? No really…what will you commit to doing for the sake of battery charging or balance?
Here’s to resistant psyches in time out, yoga pants and cleaning ladies!!
